The Strider Baby
by Ameline Patris
Summary: Dave Strider is constantly bullying John Egbert. When they both attend a party and get drunk, they end up having sex, and John soon discovers he's pregnant! How the hell did this happen! Contains: Smut, Schoolstuck, Humanstuck DISCLAIMER: All characters belong to Andrew Hussie.
1. Chapter 1

"Hey, Egderp, how's the dam coming along?"

Your name is John Egbert and you've had it with these bullies. You have managed to stay invisible for about a week since your junior year started, but of course, the jocks caught up to you.

"Fine, thanks," you reply to the bully, then mentally scold yourself for saying that.

"Look at that! What a loser!" Your bully laughed. Your tormentor was the wide receiver of the football team, also known as Dave Strider. Dave was one of the most popular boys in the school, with his cool kid shades and his disheveled white-blonde hair.

You quickly walk away before he notices you're gone. You go to your locker. You open it and take out your books for your final period. Thank god, you can't stand this school.

You walk to your English class, which happened to be your final class. You sit in your seat, next to your best friend Rose Lalonde.

"Hi, Rose!" You greet the blonde girl next to you. She smiles at you.

"Hello, John. How are you today?" She asks.

"I'm great, thanks!" You say happily, not showing any sign of sadness. You don't want her to worry! "How's Kanaya?"

"She's quite well, thank you," Rose's cheeks turned a faint pink at the mention of her girlfriend. "We're actually going to a party tonight that her friend invited her to. I assume it's a teenage party with alcohol and loud music. I asked Kanaya if I could invite friends, and she said 'the more the merrier'. I invited Jade already. Would you like to attend with us, John?"

"Yeah, sounds great!" Although you weren't much of a person for parties, you decide to let loose, just for tonight. It'd be nice, seeing as how you've had a rough week. It'd be good for you to let go.

The teacher walked in as the bell rang suddenly, causing you to jump in surprise.

"Hello, class," the teacher says. "Let us begin with where we left off, talking about The Scarlet Letter."

Everyone groaned and pulled out their books.

"Now, now, children," the teacher said. "You're in for quite the lecture today!" Your teacher is Kankri Vantas, the most boring teacher in the world. He just drones on and on and on, and it tires you. However, you do listen, and sometimes he says interesting things that fascinate you.

You watch the clock for the hour to finish, and when the bell rings, you're free.

"I'll pick you up, okay?" Rose checked to make sure you knew the plan.

"What time?" You ask.

"Seven."

"Great! I'll see you then!" You wave to Rose and head to your locker, swinging it open. You take out your books and put them in your backpack, then head out before-

"Hey, Egderp."

Aw, crap.

"Hi, Dave," you mumble. This time Dave has his girlfriend Terezi by his side. Terezi was a redheaded feminist with an amazing sense of humour. She was very nice to you, but did nothing to stop Dave from torturing you.

"What's new?" He asked, smirking.

"I…I…" you stutter, not knowing what to say so he wouldn't tease you.

"I…I…" he mimicked you, chuckling a bit. "So weak, Egderp. Can't you stand up for yourself against the big bad Strider? You're pathetic, you know that?"

"Leave me alone, Dave!" You glare at Dave as your eyes begin to feel wet. Dammit! Why did you cry so easily?!

"Is Egderp going to cry?" Dave gasped in false surprise. "Can you get even more pathetic?"

You furiously turn around and run away, running to your home nearby. He doesn't know where you live, and you don't want him to. You had to leave. He couldn't see you cry.

You see your father's car in the driveway, and sigh. He can't see you upset. You wipe your eyes and nose before opening the door and casually walking inside like you weren't running from a bully.

"Hello, John!" Your father calls.

"Hi, Dad!" You make small talk with your father about your day. He tells you about his as well. You ask permission to go to the party Rose invited you to, and he grants it. You quickly hurry upstairs to your bedroom and prepare for this party. You are quite excited, since you have never been to this type of party before. You also finally get to see Kanaya; it's been a while since you've last seen her. She was very nice.

You finish your homework before you change out of your Ghostbusters shirt and change into a nice blue one. You keep your khaki shorts on, then approach the mirror. You quickly apply extra coats of deodorant and try to tame your unruly black hair. It sticks up in all directions, not obeying the comb. You sigh and give up. You take in your appearance.

You're a quite scrawny boy, with barely any muscle. Your father constantly tells you to get meat on your bones. You have electric blue eyes that you don't care for terribly. You would prefer brown eyes. Your square framed glasses shield these blue eyes. Your skin is extremely pale, like a China doll's. You are quite gangly at a mere height of 5"7, short for a boy's height, you reckon. Your nose is considered "cute as a button," as your friend Jade tells you. You have thin lips with huge buckteeth that have braces on them. You've had braces for almost a year now, and they haven't been helping. Your feet are strangely big for your body type, and your legs barely have any hair.

Looking in the mirror makes you think about what you would look like if you were buff. It looks wrong to you, and you decide you are happy with your body and your looks. Unfortunately, other people aren't.

Your computer chimes. It's the Pesterlog. Your friend TG is pestering you. He is one of your best friends, and you wish you knew him in person. You were nervous at first about having internet friends that you met through games like World of Warcraft, but you soon became comfortable chatting with people like TG, TT, and GG. You don't know TG's real name, you call him by the initials of his username. GG is your good friend Jade, and TT is Rose. You answer TG's message.

- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 6:43 –

TG: yo

TG: EB

You quickly type a response.

EB: hi TG! how are you?

TG: good

TG: just getting my mad rhymes down

TG: i ain't no clown

TG: you motherfucker just better stand on the ground

EB: TG, your rhymes are badass usually, but that sucks :B

TG: like your mom sucked my dick last night, am I right

EB: hey!

TG: im just kidding, jeez.

EB: whatever. im going to a party tonight!

TG: me too. gonna fuck bitches smoke weed get money.

EB: sometimes I can't tell if you're being serious or not.

TG: im always serious bro

TG: ye of little faith, huh?

EB: jesus

EB: i better go, my friends are gonna pick me up soon.

EB: bye!

TG: bye

TG: wait EB

EB: what, TG?

TG: whats your name

You frown. TG has never asked you for your name before.

EB: why?

EB: i gotta go! Sorry :( bye, TG!

- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 6:51 –

You turn off your computer and walk downstairs. Your phone buzzes, and you discover you've received a text from Rose.

_We're here._

_-Rose_

You walk outside and see that Rose is, in fact, outside.

"Bye Dad!" You call and run out to the car.

Tonight will surely be a night to remember!


	2. Chapter 2

Your name is Dave Strider and you are ready to get your party on! You had just picked up your girlfriend, Terezi Pyrope. She is the best girlfriend ever. You two are in an open relationship, and are both bisexual. Seeing Terezi make out with other chicks is pretty hot in the most ironic way possible.

"Ready, Dave?" Terezi grins at you, pushing her red glasses up her nose. She was always excitable about the littlest things, which could bother you, but not terribly. It was cute sometimes.

"Ready," you sped off from her house, driving to a party at Vriska Serket's house that Terezi had been invited to. In fact, you had been invited as well, considering you're one of the most popular guys in this tiny ass town.

You park a few blocks away from Vriska's house, seeing as how the block is filled up with the cars that belonged to other guests of the party.

You help Terezi out of the car and walk her to the house which you could hear music blasting from, even with the two block distance between you and the house. You knock on Vriska's door. She answers, grinning at you. She flips her blonde hair. "Well, well, well! Hiiiiiiii, Dave! Heeeeeeeey, Terezi!" She lets you both inside. You look around, taking in the scent of weed and alcohol. There are tons of people dancing in the middle of the room. You recognize Sollux Captor, a boy in your computer class, grinding with a brunette girl.

In the corner, there are a few people passing around a bong. In the kitchen, there are people eating. Upstairs there are people fucking. And downstairs, there's sure to be a game of beer pong.

You let Terezi wander off to find her friends, and you weave through the crowd, saying hi to everyone who says "hi" first. You make your way to the kitchen where you grab a beer and sip it. You recognize a raven haired boy sitting on the couch with some other people.

That boy is John Egbert. You have had feelings for this boy since the sixth grade, but your hopes were crushed when another boy had told John about his sentiment, John uttered the worst words Dave could've ever heard: "Oh! I-I appreciate your interest. I'm sorry, but…I'm not a homosexual."

This made you rage like you couldn't believe. Every time you saw him, it made you want to punch him for hurting your feelings, even though he didn't mean to, and he never hurt your feelings directly.

You surely are fucked up.

You quickly take a swig of your beer as you watch John laugh at whatever the girl was saying to him. You feel anger flare in your stomach. He should be talking to _you_, not her. You watch the slut excuse herself to get a drink.

This is your chance!

You pace to the couch and take that girl's place and sit next to John.

"Dave!" He slurs your name, and you can tell he's hammered.

"Yo, Egderp," you greet him, attempting to keep your cool. He had the most adorable overbite; you attempt not to swoon at this, no matter how much you wanted to.

"Wha…what're you doing here?" John asked dumbly.

"I just go where the wind takes me, man," you reply. "The world hasn't raped me yet, so I figured, hey, maybe I'll give it a shot."

John giggled. "Are you sure?"

"As sure as Mexican can eat three tacos in under five minutes," you confirm. (A. N. I am Mexican…this is true xD)

"That's racist," John blinked. "You sound like my friend…uh…uh…I don't know his name."

"You don't know your friend's name?" You raise an eyebrow at John. "That's shitty." You are quite the hypocrite; you have a friend who's name you don't know.

You tried to find out earlier in the day when you pestered him on the Pesterchum app you have on your phone, but he would not comply. You simply know him as EB, short for his tag, ectoBiologist. He called you TG, as in turntechGodhead. EB is a good friend of yours that you've developed a minor crush on. You hope this will help you get rid of your crush on John.

"Well he won't tell me, so I won't tell him my name," John nodded.

My phone went off. I checked it, and I'd gotten a message from tentacleTherapist on the Pesterchum. I sighed.

- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 7:40 –

TT: i see you with john over there.

You look up to see TT, er, Rose Lalonde, smirking at you from across the room. She was holding hands with her girlfriend Kanaya, who was also staring at you, smiling a bit. You sigh and reply to Rose.

TG: shut up

TG: it doesn't mean anything

TG: i need a drink

TG: goddamn

- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 7:43-

You drink the rest of your beer, then get a few more. And more, and more, till you're as hammered as John.

"John!" You gasp, the buzz in your brain increasing. "There are bees in my brain!"

"Woah, no way!" John looked genuinely intrigued. "You think they'll fly out of your ear?"

"That'd be hella rad," you confirmed. "I hope so."

"That'd be so scary and cool!" John said, watching Dave in awe.

"Yeah!" You agree. "Oh, wait, I should probably go upstairs so people won't get stung. Then they can fly out a window!" You scramble up, determined to not let the bees in your head sting people. Then the bees would all die, and everyone else would be pissed at you!

"I wanna go!" John followed you, swaggering up the stairs as you both went into an empty room. It was really warm, so you opened the window. That'll also help the bees get out.

Your phone buzzes in your pocket and you groan. You check it. More messages from Rose.

"What's that?" John asked, clumsily flopping onto the bed.

"Rose keeps messaging me on Pesterchum," you say, then quickly add, "you probably have never heard of it."

"No! I have!" John smiled big, showing off his cute buck teeth. "I've actually got one, myself."

"What's your username?" You ask curiously, so you can add him.

"e-ectoBiologist," John stutters out.

Your eyes widened. So, there apparently was no way to get rid of your crush on the scrawny raven haired boy. Dammit. "No way. I'm turntechGodhead!"

"You're TG!" John gasps, sitting up on the bed. He wraps his arms around your torso. "I can't believe you're Dave…"

"Me either," you agree, confused on how this happened. Fate was a weird thing.

"John, I'm sorry I bullied you," you sit on the bed next to him, taking his hand. "I don't like being rude to you."

"Then why do you do it?" John asked, his electric blue eyes looking into your red ones that hide behind dark sunglasses.

"Because I love you," your arms wrap around John, and you close your eyes and bury your face in his neck. "I love you, John, and it hurts, because you said you weren't gay, and…" You begin to cry. If your sweet bro saw you crying like this, he'd probably slap you across the face.

"Shhh! It's okay, Dave!" He hugged back. "I dunno if I'm gay or not, I'm like…" he began counting the years on his fingers. "Seventeen! Or something! I don't know my sexuality."

You cup John's cheek in your hand and cradle his sweet face. He had such puffy cheeks, he was so cute. You bend your neck and press your lips to his, slow and sweet. He doesn't push you away; in fact, he embraces you happily. You feel all warm and tingly inside, mostly due to the alcohol digesting in your stomach, but also because John was kissing you back. You hold him lovingly, one hand around his waist and the other on his shoulder. He reaches up and tangles his hands in your hair. You gently nibble on his lower lip, and when he opens his mouth, you shove your tongue inside of it. You feel around his mouth with your tongue, and he tastes like wine.

Seriously? He got drunk off of _wine_?

You chuckle to yourself and pick him up, sitting him in your lap.

He quietly moans against your lips, taking off your shades. You tense up, since no one, not even Terezi, has taken off your shades. He looks at your crimson eyes with a startled look on his face. "Dave, your eyes are _red_."

"Yeah," you look down and blush.

"That's _so cool_!" John said excitedly. "Wow!"

You are taken aback by this. John accepted your weird eye colour. He thought it was the awesomest thing ever. What in the hell?!

(Sex Warning)

You are overjoyed that he returns your affection, and that he loves your eyes. You full on kiss him, smash your mouths together and pressing your tongue into his. You grunt against him, pushing him down on the bed. He moans quietly and you pin him. His head rests on the pillow, and he stares up at you, his eyes hazed with intoxication and lust.

"Dave," he murmurs, blinking.

You attack his neck with kisses and love bites. He mewls in pleasure as you trail down to his collarbone. You reach under his shirt and feel up his smooth chest; he was so thin! How did he manage to stay alive?!

He raises his hands over his head and allows you to remove his shirt. You begin to kiss down from his clavicle to his nipple, and fondle it in your mouth. He gasps in delight, moaning out softly. "Dave…"

You love the way he says your name. You gently rub his nipple with your tongue, circling around it, causing him to squirm. Your hands wander down his stomach to the edge of his shorts. You manage to unbutton and unzip them, then pull them off. John blushes as you reveal his tented boxers. You smirk at John then take those off as well.

John felt awkward being the only naked one. He gently tugged at your shirt with the broken record on it, managing to pull it off. He looks at your smooth abs and flushes. You grin and kiss him, your hand wandering down to his erection.

It wasn't small; but it wasn't _too_ big; about as big as yours, which was average. You pump him, and he gasps. "Oh!" He says lightly, squirming at your touch. You grin and spread his legs, leaning down to his hole and licking it.

"Oh, God, Dave!" He moans out, his fingers attaching themselves to your hair.

You continue licking, then manage to get your tongue in the tight hole. You reach down to your own twitching bulge and start stroking yourself, pleasure coursing through you quickly. John is panting like a wet dog. He pulls away then looks at you. H

"I…" he lays on his stomach in front of your sitting position. He wriggles up to you and suddenly unbuttons your jeans and pulls those down with your boxers. He takes you in his mouth, and you gasp. This couldn't be his first time giving head; he was so good at it! His tongue swirled around the tip of your penis, right over the slit, and you groan.

"A-Ah, Egbert," you sigh happily. You tilt his head up so he looks at you. He looked so innocent and naïve, it was so hot.

You kiss him and sit him up, pulling him in your lap once again. You rub your dick against his hole, and he gasps.

"Dave!"

"Say my name again, and I'll fuck you," you whisper in John's ear, wanting to hear him beg for it. You continue rubbing your manhood against him, and he squeals.

"D-Dave, please!" He begs, just as you wanted. You hold out your index and middle finger, and he sucks on them. It was so arousing, just like he had sucked on your dick.

You pull your fingers away, and squeeze them inside his nook. He gasps and tightens his cheeks around you.

"Relax," you whisper soothingly, pushing in deeper. You thrusted your fingers gently, which tensed him at first, but soon enough, he was complying with you and pushing against your fingers.

"Oh, Dave, I…I'm gonna…"

"Not yet."

You pull out your fingers and give your dick a few good pumps before squeezing your member into his tight, tight asshole. He gasps and closes his eyes, whimpering. You trace circles into his back, making sure he gets used to the feeling of you inside him before you begin thrusting. You stroke his penis in attempt to make him feel a bit of pleasure, and when he moaned in satisfaction, you began to thrust.

He cries out, letting you buck your hips into him and pump his dick. He hides his face in your shoulder as you thrust, panting gently. He was so tight…

"John!" You pant against him, bucking your hips faster. You were so close to the release…

"Dave!" John cries out as he cums on his stomach. He looked so hot covered in cum, you ejaculate inside of him. You gently pull out and watch your warm sticky liquid ooze out of him, dripping onto the bed.

"Dave, that was...amazing," John panted.

"You were amazing," you admit, falling back on the bed next to him. You feel tired after that. You wrap your arms around John, and you both fall asleep, you having the best sleep of your life.

I…shhhh xD I'm not good at writing sex. Shush.


End file.
